All the same

“All the same”.

The same story ! The same scenario !

It happens all the time to me !

Whenever I’m too kind...

Whenever I’m always there…

Whenever I become present and available all the time…

Should I become an asshole ? I see all bad people happy, they hurt others but never hurt themselves… Should I hurt others ? Does it feel good, I wonder…

What is wrong in being too kind ? Are people seeing this as being too desperate ? HELL NO !!! I don’t give a damn about your affection or attention if I have to make an effort to bring it !

What is wrong in being always available ? Do people take me for granted ? Yes, of course I am granted, but only to people who share my feelings… I’m not begging for love, keep it if you don’t want to give it !

What are those nasty words ? They cut into my heart like knives… Even if I ALWAYS hear THE SAME WORDS…. They hurt me EACH TIME !!!

“We should just be friends”… “I need time to think”… “Now is not the right moment”… BULLSHIT if you ask me… Yes, utter bullshit !

Just tell me the frigging truth !!! “You are not anymore interested in me” ! Why the lies ? Why give me false hope ? I don’t need it ! Just straight out tell me to get the hell out !!!

Yes ! Get the hell out… If people were so direct, that would have been much better… I made my intentions quite clear ! And you are the first person aware that another type of relationship, aside from the one I want, is not going to close the deal, it’s always going to leave a bitter taste in my mouth… Lingering…

So cut the crap ! When I ask a “Yes” or “No” question… Just frigging answer with :

●              Either a “Yes”

●              Or a “No”

It’s as simple as that ! Is this too complicated for human beings ?

It's MY deep thoughts… I'm just pissed off, of this “Hamlet” play…

Some girl I know FriendZoned me, but I care about her. Well... I "cared"...

I'm not hurt, I'm just pissed off, I’m just letting it out… Because whenever I'm kind I get rejected, but when I’m an asshole I get accepted… And this is 100% accurate !

I don't want to be an asshole, that's not me… I hate lying… It becomes just a huge pile of lies that I can't handle anymore… It's the same with some more complex things, of course I know how to “move”, to play the “game” with chicks… The problem is : "those moves are not ME", and I even suspect that they are no one’s !

I don't want to lie, hell ! We get used to these lies, to score, to some people they become like a habit… Even a relationship that I win with those "moves", is just bitter, and I just don’t care if it continues or stops… Cause I've been pretending the whole time… Is it because I take it for granted and not because it’s bullshit ?

Whatever !!! You know what I need ?

A BREAK !

A break from all females… Just take some time off, step back, have some time for myself… Yes that's what I'm going to do !

I will get back, but just... not now !

For now, I just want to have male friends that I can just have fun with… Without lies… Without stress… Be myself and act like a monkey

It felt good to let that out !

Wheeeeeeeew !!!